


Tell Me This is Real

by SilverOpals394



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Soft Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:00:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27504217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverOpals394/pseuds/SilverOpals394
Summary: He knew without a doubt that he wanted Ronan Lynch and everything that came with him. He’d made his decision.He knew what it meant for him, and he knew what it meant for Ronan, but still. Some things needed to be said.Some things needed to be heard.Adam wants Ronan to know for sure how serious he is about them.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 42
Kudos: 268





	1. Chapter 1

Ronan had never really been one for words. Adam knew that. He’d known it for nearly as long as he’d known Ronan.

He’d learned he needed to examine his actions, to understand that Ronan rarely did anything without a reason.

Everything he did was a statement.

So how in the hell had Adam not heard what Ronan had been saying for months? How was it, that just now, lying in Declan’s bed, mind still a whirl like it had been all evening, was the first time Adam had _really_ considered how Ronan’s feelings for him would actually make him feel?

It was all he could think about.

He was so ridiculously _happy_ , for God’s sake. He didn’t think he’d ever quite felt like this before. A large part of him wanted to go find Ronan and kiss him again, just because he could.

He stayed put, though. As much as he wanted to go, he needed to think.

Not about what he wanted. He’d already thought that through. He knew without a doubt that he wanted Ronan Lynch and everything that came with him. He’d made his decision.

No, now he was thinking about what Ronan wanted.

Adam had been learning lately that he hadn’t known Ronan quite as well as he’d thought he did. For so long he’d taken Ronan at face value and that wasn’t anywhere near the truth of who he really was.

He was so much _more_.

Adam wanted to learn it all. He was a good student, especially when he was passionate about the subject.

For a while now, but especially since that night at the church, he’d been observing Ronan with a closer eye. And what he’d learned was this: Ronan put up a harsh front against the world because there was a very different version of him living inside. This was the Ronan who had dreamed Matthew into existence. A vulnerable boy who wanted to be loved.

And Adam wanted to love him.

He wanted to give Ronan everything he could. He wanted to touch him, and kiss him, and stand by him through anything life threw at them.

He’d seen the nervous expression in Ronan’s eyes while they were standing on the porch. Before he’d kissed him. And then the soft look in them after they’d come inside, like he couldn’t believe it was really happening, that Adam would return his feelings.

They’d spent hours on that couch, but they hadn’t ever actually said anything about what it all meant. Thinking about it now made Adam feel… restless.

He knew what it meant for him, and he knew what it meant for Ronan, but still. Some things needed to be said.

Some things needed to be heard.

There was no going back from this, and that was the furthest thing from what Adam wanted. But even though he knew that what they were now was something _more_ than what they’d been just earlier that day, he wanted to hear Ronan say it. To make it real.

And he knew without a doubt that Ronan wanted to hear him say it too. That Ronan would need it.

Ronan had taken a big step tonight, taking a leap of faith that by showing Adam his true feelings, Adam just might return them.

Adam wasn’t sure he would have been brave enough to do the same, and he wanted nothing more than to do everything he could to show Ronan that his faith had been well-placed.

Adam had never been more serious about committing to something, or someone, and Ronan needed to know it. He needed Ronan to know it, too.

His eyes began to droop, and he closed them, satisfied with the decision he’d come to. As soon as he got the chance, as soon as the time was right, he’d tell him.

*****

After everything, after Glendower and the demon and the unmaking and every horrible thing that had happened, Adam was at a loss. He didn’t know what to do anymore.

At Fox Way, sitting in the reading room next to Ronan, he stared at his hands. And then at Ronan’s throat. And then his hands again.

_These hands are mine._

Ronan caught him looking at the bruises. They were alone for the moment, and something about their relative privacy gave Adam what felt like permission to stare openly.

When he wouldn’t look away, Ronan gently placed his hands on Adam’s face and tilted it up to look him in the eyes.

“It wasn’t you,” Ronan said.

Adam swallowed, unable to speak.

“You didn’t do this, Adam,” he said, firmer.

Adam closed his eyes in shame. He knew, logically, that Ronan was right. He never wanted to hurt Ronan. Ever. In any possible way.

But he couldn’t get the image of Ronan dying under his hands out of his mind.

Even if he hadn’t been the one directing his hands, they still knew what it felt like to nearly kill him.

He was so thankful they didn’t know what it felt like to finish the job.

So, _so_ thankful.

So much so that he stopped fighting Ronan’s careful attention and opened his eyes to meet his gaze.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Ronan whispered, desperate, like he needed Adam to believe him.

So Adam did.

He let out a choked-off sob of a sound, one he wasn’t sure he’d ever made before. It was shame and relief, sorrow and gratitude, all in one.

“Okay,” Adam said. “Okay.”

*****

They weren’t alone again until later that… night? Day? Adam wasn’t sure anymore. All he knew was that he was at Monmouth with Ronan, who was in the shower, and the Orphan Girl, who was asleep in Ronan’s room, and that Gansey and Blue were coming as soon as Blue’s stitches were re-done. Henry had gone back to Litchfield.

He hadn’t slept in God knows how long, and as he sat on the couch by himself, he had the ridiculous notion that he _missed_ Ronan while he was literally in the next room. Something in him wouldn’t be satisfied until Ronan was in his line of sight once more.

Luckily, about a minute after that revelation, Ronan came walking out of the laundry/kitchen/bathroom, looking like a god in sweats and a t-shirt.

Jesus.

Adam needed to get a grip on himself before he did something embarrassing.

 _Too late_ , he thought as he reached his arms out like a child wanting a hug.

Ronan came willingly, though, and soon they were pressed together on the couch, Adam’s face buried in Ronan’s chest.

He was equal parts thrilled, comforted, relieved, and aroused at the press of Ronan’s body all along his.

They hadn’t kissed again yet. He wasn’t sure if they were waiting for the right moment, or if there even was one. He wondered if he should be the one to take that first step, or if he should give Ronan space. He thought about all this as he lifted his head up to look at Ronan.

His hand reached up to touch Ronan’s cheek.

“Will you be okay?” he asked, a little desperately.

Ronan covered his hand with his own.

“I hope so.”

He pulled Adam’s hand away so that he could kiss his palm.

Adam was done waiting.

He leaned down and brushed his lips over Ronan’s, soft and reassuring, barely a whisper of a kiss. He pulled back for just a moment before kissing him a second time, harder, more tangible. More real.

Ronan let go of his hand in order to snake his arm around Adam’s back, pulling him impossibly closer.

Their kisses were urgent, but in a way that was different to the last time they’d done this. That night had been about passion, about the pure joy of finally giving in to this inevitable thing that had grown between them.

Tonight was about being grateful.

Adam’s kisses said _I’m so glad you’re here._

Ronan’s said _you’re all I’ve ever wanted._

After a few minutes, though, Adam pulled back.

“Wait,” he said.

Ronan retreated immediately, and Adam had to reach for his arm to wrap it around himself again.

“I didn’t tell you to go anywhere, you know,” he said with a small smile, “I just wanted to… I know maybe right now isn’t the best time to do this, but we should talk.”

Ronan frowned. “About what?”

“About… us.”

“What about us?” Ronan asked, walking a fine line between nonchalance and showing just how deeply he cared about the answer.

That was so like Ronan, Adam almost wanted to cry with relief. They were going to be okay. Somehow, they’d get through this.

“I just think it would be good for us to be clear with each other, about what this means.”

Ronan sighed. “You know what this means to me, Parrish.”

“You’re right,” Adam said, “Do you know what it means to me?”

Ronan faltered. “I know what I want it to mean to you,” he admitted.

“But you don’t know for sure, right? Like, you know it, but you need me to say it before you’ll begin to really believe it.”

“Get out of my head,” Ronan said, playfully shoving at him.

Adam smiled. “I can’t. I’m too invested now.”

He reached for the hand that wasn’t holding him and laced their fingers together.

“I know how you feel because it’s how I’m feeling, too,” he said quietly, “I need to hear you say it too, before I let myself believe this is real.”

Ronan looked surprised by this, that Adam could be just as unsure of everything as he was.

“This _is_ real,” Ronan said, honesty bleeding out of him.

He was right. Hearing Ronan say just that was everything he needed.

“Yes,” he answered fervently. He shook away any doubts creeping in on him. “This is it, you and me. I choose you, Ronan. Through everything, I choose you, and I will always choose you.”

Ronan’s eyes closed.

“Adam,” he whispered reverently before capturing his lips with his own again.

This kiss tasted like a promise.

When they broke apart, Ronan said, “I choose you, too, Adam. For as long as you’ll let me.”

 _Forever_ , Adam thought but didn’t say aloud.

Instead, he laid his head back down and hugged Ronan closer to him. His eyes began to close as he felt Ronan’s other arm slip around him, his lips on his forehead.

“They’ll be back soon,” Ronan said, “Maybe we should move.”

“I don’t want to move ever again,” Adam said, half a groan.

Ronan let out a soft chuckle. “Trust me, Parrish, I don’t want to either.”

“Then we won’t. Not for a few hours at least.”

“They’ll see us,” Ronan warned.

“Then let them see us,” Adam said. “It’s not like we’re going to be able to keep this from them for long. I don’t even want to.”

“You really do want this, don’t you?” Ronan asked, like Adam hadn’t already made that abundantly clear.

“I’m sorry, have I been vague about my feelings tonight? I could have sworn I was pretty clear about them,” he said, looking up to see Ronan’s face flush slightly.

And then Ronan smiled, just a little, the first smile Adam had seen on him in what felt like ages. It was the most beautiful thing he’d seen.

“Besides,” Adam said around a yawn, “I already told Gansey that we kissed.”

Ronan had that look again, like Adam would never stop surprising him.

“I hope that was okay,” he added, just in case.

“Yeah, Parrish,” Ronan said as his smile grew just a fraction, “That was okay.”

“Good, because I can’t take it back now.”

“Wouldn’t want you to.”

Their friends found them a little while later, and Adam thought he might be nervous about it, but all he felt was calm.

“Oh,” Gansey said as he took in the way they were wrapped in each other.

“You two are… _together_ now, I suppose?” he asked, stumbling over the word like it was difficult to pronounce.

Adam looked at his friends, at Gansey’s cautious expression, and Blue’s somewhat bewildered one.

“Mm-hmm,” he mumbled, closing his eyes once more.

“You and Ronan?” Blue said, “You’re, like…”

“Boyfriends?” Adam suggested, eyes still closed. Ronan’s arms tightened around him.

“What, did you want us to sneak around for a few weeks, pretending like it’s some giant secret?” Ronan asked them.

Blue scoffed loudly, and Adam thought she was going to fire back a retort, but then he heard Gansey say something to her in a low voice. After a few moments of silence he thought they were probably alone again, but Adam found he didn’t care enough to open his eyes and find out for sure.

Had he really just called Ronan his boyfriend? It was easier than he’d anticipated. Natural.

He knew they should probably talk about it some more, but he was tired, and Ronan was soft and warm beneath him. They’d talked enough for now. They had the rest of their lives.


	2. And I'll Believe You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't plan on writing any more of this, but Ronan wouldn't leave me alone. Hope you enjoy it!

Ronan hadn’t meant to doze off, but when he woke he was greeted with the sight of Adam Parrish sleeping on his chest, looking exhausted and so beautiful Ronan had to stop himself from leaning forward and kissing him awake. Adam was always exhausted, but if there was a time he deserved some extra rest, it was now. 

Ronan didn’t want to think about that, all the shit they’d been through. Right now, he just wanted to exist here in this space with Adam pressed against him, warm and real, real, real. His mind was a film reel, playing and replaying the moments before they fell asleep together. How Adam had kissed him, like he couldn’t wait any longer. He knew the feeling.

He still couldn’t believe he was allowed to kiss Adam anytime he wanted to now. If anything good came out of all this, Adam Parrish becoming his boyfriend was it. 

_Boyfriend._

And he hadn’t even been the one to say it first.

Light was just beginning to filter in the windows, giving him an excellent view of his _boyfriend_ as he slept, so Ronan took advantage of the quiet morning just to look. He’d spent countless hours catching glimpses of this boy, letting his stare linger longer and longer as he began to let his intentions be known. But he’d never had this: Adam so close, in his arms, safe and trusting that Ronan would keep him that way. He never wanted to look anywhere else.

Watching him so closely, Ronan was able to see the moment Adam drifted from unconsciousness into wakefulness. He blinked a few times before he smiled up at Ronan so softly, eyes still half-closed. Ronan’s heart squeezed in his chest. 

“Morning,” Adam whispered, careful not to wake Gansey and Blue who were sleeping on his bed a few feet away.

Ronan gently reached for Adam’s face, stroking a thumb over his cheekbone and Adam leaned into the touch.

“Morning,” Ronan whispered back to him. 

Adam sighed and stretched before relaxing against him once more. 

“Ugh, my back hurts from laying like this for so long,” he said around a yawn.

Ronan frowned, about to open his mouth and suggest they move, when Adam beat him to it.

“Trade places with me?” he asked quietly.

“Sure,” Ronan said, trying not to show just how elated he was at the fact that Adam didn’t want to move away from him. 

He kissed Adam on the forehead, automatically, without thought, like he’d been doing it forever, and Adam smiled that sleepy smile at him again. God, Ronan was so in love.

Once they’d repositioned themselves, Ronan now the one laying on Adam’s chest, Adam’s arms came up to wrap around Ronan and he began to trace patterns over his back absentmindedly. Ronan could die right then, and he wouldn’t even have cared. 

“Did you sleep okay?” Adam asked him, genuinely concerned with the answer.

“Yeah,” Ronan said, and it wasn’t a lie. Even if he hadn’t meant to fall asleep, he hadn’t dreamed. He’d actually been able to relax for a little while, holding Adam close to him. 

“I’m glad,” Adam said, mirroring Ronan and kissing him on the forehead. 

Ronan felt like he’d waited long enough. He reminded himself once again that he could kiss Adam without fear, that Adam wouldn’t push him away, that he _wanted_ Ronan to kiss him. So he leaned up and brushed their lips together for the first time that morning, and it was such a rush when Adam responded eagerly.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, trading slow, sweet kisses that Ronan could feel everywhere in his body. 

“So,” Ronan said, pulling back, “Boyfriends, huh?”

Adam blushed. “Are we not using that term?”

“Oh, we’re using it,” Ronan said, and Adam laughed quietly. “I think it just threw me off guard.”

A crease formed in Adam’s brow. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know,” Ronan said, trying to explain it, “Just feels too good to be true, I guess.”

“It’s true,” Adam whispered, hand coming up to rub over his scalp. 

Ronan closed his eyes. “I know.”

Adam used both hands to pull Ronan’s face towards him, surprising him, and kissed him again. This kiss somehow felt different than any other they’d shared, and Ronan’s heart pounded in his chest, liable to beat right out of it at any moment. 

When the kiss ended, he let out a long sigh. “I’m crazy about you, Adam Parrish,” he heard himself say before he could stop it. Jesus, he was embarrassing.

But Adam just chuckled, Ronan’s face still in his hands, before saying, “I’m crazy about you too, Ronan Lynch.”

“Really?” Ronan whispered, heart still beating wildly.

“Yes,” Adam answered, his tone careful.

Ronan wasn’t sure how to explain it, because Adam hadn’t moved, but he felt the moment something in Adam tensed.

“Hey,” he said, “What’s wrong?”

“Why don’t you…” Adam paused. “Why don’t you believe me? Why is it so hard to believe that I could… that I could… _feel_ … the same way you do?”

“Adam,” Ronan said, taken aback.

“Well?” Adam asked, pointedly looking away.

“Adam, look at me,” Ronan said. “Please?”

It was the please that did it, he thought. Ronan considered how to say what he needed to say. He wanted Adam to know he had no doubts about this new relationship with him, that every step Adam had taken had been welcome. More than welcome. 

“I _do_ believe you, Adam. That’s the point. I dobelieve you and it’s the best fucking thing that’s ever happened to me and…” he trailed off, watching Adam’s face slowly transform. “I don’t know, I guess I’m used to things being shitty. I don’t know how to deal with something so… good.”

“Ronan,” Adam said.

“I’ve felt this way about you for a while now,” he admitted. “I got used to the idea of it being unrequited a long time ago. My brain’s still catching up.”

Adam just looked at him, running his thumb over his cheek like Ronan had done to him earlier. 

“It’s not unrequited, Ronan,” he said, “I… it’s just not, okay?”

“I know, Adam,” Ronan said, turning his head to kiss his palm. 

“God, you two are going to be unbearable, aren’t you?” came Blue’s voice as she approached where they were laying on the couch, passing by on her way to laundry/kitchen/bathroom.

Ronan sneered at her. He wasn’t... _embarrassed_ , per se, but some things were only meant for Adam to see and hear. 

“Shut up, maggot,” he said, and Adam let out a breathy laugh.

“Be nice,” he said, leaning up to whisper in Ronan’s ear. 

“She started it,” he grumbled, but he lay his head back down on Adam’s chest.

Adam smiled at him, and Blue flipped him off. 

From across the room, Gansey stirred, yawning.

They were going to be all right. 


End file.
